Narration Irritation
by Kevin3
Summary: This is it. The summer where Harry is no longer the world's pinata... the only problem is, the young man can't quite get what he's expecting from a young junior auror named Tonks. Parody/Romance/Humor.


**Narration Irritation**

Up until 5 minutes ago, Harry had been bristling. While he might understand Dumbledore's perspective - the Headmaster wanted to make sure Harry was safe and secure over the summer - it was almost smothering to have a dedicated auror assigned to look after him.

Five minutes ago? Harry found out just who was guarding him. Well, let's just say Dumbledore probably didn't anticipate how excited a young junior auror named Nymphadora Tonks was when she found out she was assigned to look after the savior of the wizarding world (and not a bad looking young man to boot.)

'Bet Dumbledore is going to regret this decision,' Harry thought with savage satisfaction, looking at the auror who clearly had _dark_ thoughts on her mind.

"Mister Potter," Tonks said with a sultry wisper. "Do you have any idea what manner of things I'm going to subject you to on this evening?"

Tonks firmly pushed the boy-who-lived onto his bed with a smirk. Harry watched eagerly as Tonks teasingly brought a hand to her waistline and began to slip her cerulean robe over her shoulders...

* * *

The next morning, Harry awoke to the sun shining through the window.

"Err... huh?"

It was the first morning of a new Harry Potter, a young man that would no longer take the whims of fate - but would forge his own path and write his own Destiny.

"No, slow down. I don't understand what just happened."

It was true. Harry didn't understand how a woman as amazing as Tonks could be in his life - but then again, he'd been under the wing of an overbearing elder wizard for the last 4 years.

"That's not what I mean! What happened to Tonks?"

Tonks, of course, had slipped out in the middle of the night. No sense in chancing someone checking up on them and finding the pair in a compromising situation.

"No! I mean, what happened with us last night?"

Memories of the encounter swept over Harry; a half-minute later, a hoot from Hedwig drew the boy's attention.

"Knock it off!" Harry vented. "One minute, I'm watching as Tonks is undressing - and, wow, was it awesome... and then next thing I know, it's already the following morning."

It was true - the moment was like a shining beacon in Harry's memory, though far too short.

"That's not what I mean!" Harry practically screamed. "Tonks was here, she was *undressing* - do you have any IDEA how awesome that is for a 15 year old guy to see! - and then, BAM! Scene change! What's up with that?!"

* * *

Later that afternoon, Harry was on his knees weeding the garden, a thin sheen of sweat making his skin prickle.

"Oh, this is stupid. Do I even get breakfast? Why am I suddenly gardening?"

He was hungry, of course; the Dursleys hadn't allowed him to eat as punishment for the absolute ruckus that came from the young man's bedroom the night before.

"Man, my life sucks. I have to skip over my sexy fun time with Tonks, but - oh boy! - I get to spend some quality time pulling plants out in the hot sun. Why can't I get out of this?"

Harry frowned. He wished there was some way of getting out of this.

"That's what I just said," Harry said, eyes rolling. "Wait... maybe if I try this..."

Harry pulled off his shirt.

"Huh. I thought that might work. Tonks undresses, and time skips forward."

It was true; Tonks was that lovely - the very sight of her could control time.

"No, that doesn't sound right. Oh! Wait! I know!"

Harry quickly put his shirt back on. Then, he slowly and teasingly brought his fingers up to the bottom hem of his shirt before sensually pulling it along his body, revealing toned skin and...

* * *

Harry finished his shower, glad to finally get rid of the grime and sweat from his chores.

"Heh, that did the trick. Okay, this summer is starting to look up again."

It sure was. Harry knew that he was no longer the wizarding world's chew-toy, but a powerful and emerging force to be reckoned with. Nobody - Albus, Voldemort, Fudge - *nobody* was going to hold him down. He was a brand new man.

"Darn straight. Now I just need to figure out a way of bypassing these skips so I can see Tonk's wondrous nak..."

The doorbell rang.

"... so I can see Tonk's wondrous na..."

The doorbell rang again.

"What? I can't even say the word nak..."

The bell rang a third time.

"Oh, this is bullsh..."

"Harry!" Vernon screamed. "Get the door!"

Harry mumbled something unintelligble under his breath and ran downstairs. He threw the door open, only to see Tonks outside.

Harry's eyes bulged when he saw what Nymphadora was wearing...

* * *

Time passed quickly...

"Wait! Tell me what was Tonks wearing, you sod..."

... and before Harry knew it, the entirety of summer had passed, leading to yet another journey aboard the Hogwarts Express.

"The whole summer?! I just... I just lost my whole freaking summer?!"

And though it hurt...

"No! Stop it!" Harry screamed. "I want to set something straight, before anything more goes on."

Time froze.

"This is _completely_ unacceptable. The readers of this story - _MY_ story? They don't want to hear boring details about what happens on the Hogwarts express. Do you understand this? They want to hear - in the most lurid of details - what Tonks' freaking body look like. Oh, and maybe Hermione's, Ginny's, Cho's, Susan Bones', both of the Greengrass', and... err... throw in Tracy Davis, Alicia Spinnet, and Hannah Abbot."

As time stood still, Harry's eyes went to the compartment door, seeing something odd. Hermione, Ginny, Cho, Susan, Daphne, Astoria, Tracy, Alicia, Hannah, and Nymphadora were all entering the cabin - and none of them seemed to be wearing more than a simple greek toga.

"I know better," Harry whispered. "You're just teasing me."

All ten women stared at Harry intently. And somehow Harry knew that... no, this time, this one time, the scene would not shift away.

"... really?"

Harry's heart fluttered, knowing that the narrative would continue until every single drop had been wrung from the lemon.

"Oh hehe..." the 15-year old boy giggled.

_**Authors Note:** Sorry, real life is kind of creeping up on me. The story's going on hiatus for awhile - hopefully I'll get back to it after the next year or two._

"You're freaking kidding me!" Harry screamed in frustration.


End file.
